ETIQUETTE FOR THE SCENE

MAKE MS. MANNERS PROUD OF YOU - THE BASICS

Before we chose to enter the world of "kink", we all were first and foremost human beings. We learned that in order to survive we all had to learn to live together and be polite to and tolerant of each other. Rules like "Do unto Others as You Would Have Them Do unto You," and "If You Can't Say Something Nice about a Person, Don't Say Anything at All" may seem cliche and irrelevant in the times in which we live. The truth is, those old lessons from childhood still are meaningful in SM relationships. All those things your momma taught you about good behavior and manners apply just as aptly to the scene as to a fancy dress ball.

We have all been through the ordeal of the dating ritual. Some of us are better at it than others, but basically the techniques are all about the same. If we feel attracted to another, we don't go up to that person and just take what we want or demand "On your back, baby." We try to be nice, friendly. We start a conversation and get to know each other. We do the mating dance.

The same holds true for the scene. We do not live in the pages of a fantasy. Just because a person's sexual identity may be as Dom/me or sub, does not negate the rest of the person. Most people in the scene prefer to be approached by potential playmates as people first - not as their sexual roles.

Do not make assumptions - you could be wrong. Some tops wear dressy collars as part of a scene outfit. A woman in a collar is not necessarily anxious for you to walk up to her and say "On you knees, bitch, " whether she is top or bottom. Use your vanilla dating senses when attempting to meet someone in the scene. Maybe "What's your sign?" isn't the right approach, but "Will you whip me , Mistress" isn't either.

How would you approach someone at a bar or a college mixer? Try that. "Hi, my name is Shazz," followed by some opening small talk still works for me. Everyone loves to be flattered, use that. "Hi, my name is Shazz and I've been coveting that lovely corset you're wearing. Where did you get it?" Break the ice; don't bang her over the head.

A most important element of scene etiquette is discretion. Most of us have to live in the "real" world and our scene identities may be something we must keep separate from our professional identities. What we see and hear at leather organization meetings, or play parties should stay there. Don't take it on the street.

At BDSM_INC, we do not use last names to help protect the identity of those who prefer anonymity. Certainly some people exchange real names, but we urge all our attendees to keep that knowledge to themselves. Being in Auckland, New Zealand, it is true that the smaller size of this city does make it seem like "everyone knows everyone". Discretion may be more important to us than in other communities, but protecting others from harm we can cause by opening our mouths at the wrong time is simply the right thing to do anywhere.

How would you feel if you were walking down the street to lunch with a client, or your boss or your mom and someone from the last BDSM_INC meeting came up to you and said, "Hi, I really loved watching you get caned last week. You were black and blue and crying so beautifully! You are such a SLUT!" As a courtesy to other members of the community whom you do not know well enough to know if you will be offending or endangering, keep what you see and hear at scene events out of the eyes and ears of the vanilla world. Until you know it is alright with the other person to discuss the scene with his/her friends and associates, be discrete.

If I chose to give you my name and number, it is for you only unless I give you permission to give it to others. Respect this. If someone calls and asks you for my number, say "Why don't you give me yours and I'll ask her to call you?"

We witnessed a nasty little exchange one night early in my years at a Play Party. A man approached a female friend as we were talking and, after politely waiting for a chance, asked my friend for her telephone number. As she was giving it to him, I noticed a man standing behind us writing it down also. When I pointed this out, my friend almost bit this rude dude's head off. And he deserved it. Do not take advantage of others. Because I give my personal information to another and you just happen to overhear it does not give you the right to use it. If you do, nine times out of ten you will be sorry that you did. People do not take kindly to such behavior.

Events

All our events offer a friendly environment for learning about safe, sane, consensual, and fun BDSM.

Our programs, demonstrations, play parties and hands-on classes cover everything from basics such as "Bondage 101," to more advanced or "edge" scenes, as well as leather community culture and heritage.

Our events are held at Club Sparty 25 Cross St, City

Casual Dress - or not. Your choice. And yes, you can change at the Club. Sort of like a 'munch', but not!
Fully licensed Bar available. Meet and chat to new people or those more experienced.

Event Dates

All events are now listed on Fetlife

Pricing / Entry

Doors open at 8:00pm - Entry fee $25.00 (per person).

No entry after 11:00pm - we play till late.